Do we get to experience freedom in life, or only after death are we truly free?
My intuition tells me we can experience true freedom in life. But when I use my intellect, and look around, freedom is hardly what I see. I see a lot of depravity and sickness. I see people in what appears to be uncontrollable situations in which they are at a loss for choices.
I don’t want to surrender to the same.
I’m highly motivated by self expression and felt experience. There is such a long list of things I desire in life. In fact, I’ve been making a list to keep myself focused. The list is 3 pages long, single spaced in a word document and constantly growing.
I want to travel around India, go to a fasting clinic, visit Costa Rica and Thailand, take singing lessons, learn Photoshop, visit a shaman in the Amazon, try homeopathy, reiki and massage, buy organic food and clothing and be free to manage my time as I choose.
All of these experiences are immersion type experiences, things you can’t get anywhere else. I want to sense with all of my senses the joys and pains of these journeys and I feel I won’t be satisfied until I do. As much as I find joy in the present moment, my whole being is attracted to the thrills and trials of exploration.
I’m just not going to accept that life has limits. I refuse to be brought down by other people’s limiting beliefs. I’ve started playing the lottery because it gives me a chance to have my dreams come true. My dreams are so grand, but I have to imagine they’ll all come true
I live my life from the inside out. I don’t want physical things to have power over me; have the power to steal my energy and control my moods. I want to be guided by my instincts and feelings. I want to feel what I want to feel when I want to feel it, think what I want to think when I want to think it, do what I want to do when I want to do it.
I don’t want to be a self-centered wild child, obsessed with brand names and fancy cars, but I do want to behave how I deem appropriate. This is not a girl who is afraid of work, believe me.
I believe needs and wants are closely related, and that wants that are not superficial and come from a place that touch our hearts, are indeed the same as needs. I believe needs are more than simply what is required for survival. There is a hierarchy of their importance which all deserve to be satisfied.
I want to live my life to nourish my soul, not the pocketbooks of others. I don’t want to drag myself around all day doing other people’s bidding just to drag myself into my bed at night thinking how my life is held together so loosely as if with a shoestring.
The universe actually has incentive to give me the winning lottery ticket or endow me with copious amounts of money. I would better serve the world if I wasn’t tied down by the limits of my current life. If I could manage my own time I would spend almost all of it doing things to make the world a better place. I would write a lot and get involved in charities and sustainable living and use my money in ways that best serve the planet.
Ever since starting my new diet, the raw vegan diet, a year and a half ago, my internal world has become crystal clear. I listen to my gut instincts and feel all of my thoughts and feelings with more intensity than ever before. My feelings have become so powerful and sharp, like glass, that they rock me.
I can perceive the reality of my thoughts and the power behind my emotions so much that I’d be willing to take great risks and do whatever it takes for me to free myself from the shackles of the life I’ve been born into.
So, will I be free to immerse my senses in my dreams in this lifetime? Or will I only be free after death? That is my question. I pray and hope and yearn that someday all of the goals on my list will be fulfilled, and I dedicate my current energy to realizing them as quickly as possible while I’m in the flesh.
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